Love is Hard, Breaking up is even harder…
By Tiffany Mckenzie
We can all admit the most intriguing part of a relationship is the beginning. The honeymoon phase is so electrifying and you find yourself wanting to be around your significant other all the time or thinking about being with them when you’re apart. It’s like everything is pretty much perfect. You daydream about being together forever, the sun shines brighter and bad days are few and far in between. Arguments aren’t a big deal yet because you easily compromise and show more interest in pleasing your girl/boyfriend. The things you notice about them that might bother you in the future don’t even phase you because they’re so cute when they’re doing it.
But then, things change, the honeymoon phase passes and this can either make or break relationships. Anything could cause changes that determine the longevity of a romantic union. Maybe he’s verbally and physically abusive or she’s manipulative and controlling. Perhaps, the chemistry fizzled out, effective communication suffers or stops or you’re both too immature to handle the responsibility of being held accountable. Eventually, breaking up may seem like the best choice to make.
Ending a relationship with someone you care about and that you once saw a future with can be one of the most difficult things to endure. It is painful and confusing and you’ll probably second guess if you made the right decision. If you were with a person that was abusive toward you in any way then the worry and stress from wondering how they’ll react can make matters more burdensome. The good news is there are ways to break up with someone for just about every situation.
Some methods for going separate ways are through text message, email or a phone call. I’d only recommend texting or emailing to break up if you fear for your safety. If you believe you’ll be harmed for leaving a toxic relationship texting and/or emailing might be the way to go. They both serve as proof that you made it clear that the relationship is over if you ever need it for any legal situations. In an email, it’s easier to be more specific and to go into detail. There isn’t as much of a limitation compared to texting. Breaking up via phone call is another option but if you are not able to communicate the way you need to without being cut off then resort to text message or email. The goal is to end it in a safe manner, especially if you might need proof.
Last but not least, a face to face break up is also another option. Of course, this is the best way to get your message across. If you need to take the extra precaution of bringing someone you trust and feel safe with, do so. Emotions run high in such events and reactions may be unpredictable.
Some key points to keep in mind is to be sure and firm in your decision. Try not to sway in your choice to end it based off of feeling bad for the other person. Remind yourself why you’ve decided to go your separate ways. Be respectful and calm; no cursing or finger pointing. Be clear and concise with your language, and say what it is that you want. In other words, “say what you mean and mean what you say”. Speak from your point of view and for yourself, not what you think their point of view or feelings might be.
In conclusion, trying to move on might feel like a slow death. Disconnecting from a person you were once so bonded with is difficult but with time and a little patience with yourself you will be able to push forward. If certain songs bring back memories, and cause you to get into your feelings, avoid them when possible. Get to know yourself again. It’s very cliché but enjoy the process and re-evaluate what you want. Go out with friends and do the things you love. Distract yourself with the things that make you happy.
Once you’re comfortable enough you can begin dating again but with more wisdom and a clear sense of direction and knowledge of what you’re looking for.